17 / 09 / 2013
I'm sorry I cannot get over your death, not yet.
I'm sorry I took your presence for granted.
I'm sorry I'm just like a typical human, only learns to appreciate you when you are gone.
I'm sorry for being such an asshole.
Phang, I miss every single bit of you.
We had so much fun and laughter together...Thank you.. thank you for everything.
You were the first person I approach in Swinburne Dance Club. You were all energetic in our first performance, I looked up to you (: You were the only guy in my 'I Got A Boy' routine and you nailed it.
I'm proud of you, really.
Did you know...you used to piss me off many times and made me cry?
And now, it's far worse than that.
I'm dwelling in such miserable state because it's my first time losing a close friend like you.
I go to sleep every now and then hoping that all these are just a dream but it turns out to be a disappointment again & again. Would you hate me for being so weak, for crying like a baby all day long?
I hope you wouldn't.
We are all grieving for you.
We love you, Phang Zhen Sen. (19/07/1992 - 15/09/2013)
18 / 09 / 2013
I should have loved you more, should have treated you better. You deserved more from me...
I'm sorry...sorry I hated your attitude, hated your complaints, your criticisms but I guess I was in time to realize that no matter how bitchy you were, you were sincere. I really really hope you would think that I treated you nice, at least for the last semester :'(
All these complicated / mixed feelings, I'm not sure how to deal with them. But I'm trying.
I don't know am I even normal to feel like that because I felt like a total failure; an asshole. Pathetic, isn't it..
Your birthday wish all the way from Melbourne, I'll always remember that.. always.
"A very very professional design student with super chio artwork.
Not forgetting to mention he has been a great friend of mine :) "
Read my previous blog post and so this was how I used to describe you. Although you & I are 2 humans with different personalities but we actually clicked as time goes by. And I didn't realize that you slowly became a part of my life here in Kuching. We hanged out a lot... and every Wednesday used to be our movie day.
Just few weeks ago, you called me sakai because I was fantasizing your iPad mini non stop.
But you were really happy with it as well.
All of us were so happy that day.. remember? :')
You chose this outfit for me. You took care of me well that night, kept asking me to drink water & not to drink any alcohol. Not sure you were tipsy or what...
It was a great night; a great week. You complimented me. You promised to bring me there again. Also, you promised to be my wedding photographer, and invitation card designer in the future :'(
And lastly, you & I both promised that we will strive hard this semester to get full HDs.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you how happy I was reading that tweet because of your encouragement :'(
And.. I missed the chance to tell you that.. you're one of the most talented designers ever.
.......
Actually, I know that everything I type here is pointless as you won't be reading my blog anymore.
But I hope it's okay to do so because I don't want my memories of you to fade away over time.
I struggled very hard these few days to rewind all those happy times and all I know is...
I want to hold them close to my heart.
But I hope it's okay to do so because I don't want my memories of you to fade away over time.
I struggled very hard these few days to rewind all those happy times and all I know is...
I want to hold them close to my heart.
No matter where you are right now, I hope you find the peace that you desired and maybe.. just maybe...
think of us somehow. We miss you, we miss you very much, you know that? T___T
19/ 09 / 2013
Yes I have been thinking a lot lately. I'm scared. I treasure friendships very much, they meant a lot to me; same goes to family & relatives. I believe it's the same for every human out there. I'm in fear. I didn't know that to lose someone you love can be so devastating until I experience it first hand. It's tragic. How I wish I won't have to deal with such feelings anymore but deep down inside I know... it's impossible :'(
Still, I want to say sorry and thank you to everyone of you who cared for me so so much. Although there are times I feel like I don't deserve any love because there are many more humans out there feeling much more depressed than me. I'm nobody, compared to them, especially his parents. But then reality knocks; realizing that I should have know by now, I NEED to appreciate every single human around me.
Like I said, I know that it wasn't easy for the others as well. Again, I'm nobody to give advice because I'm not any better. But there's an article I would love to share : http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-with-Loss-and-Pain. Don't laugh at me okay but I really felt better after reading, that is to have faith :)
A loss of someone you love isn’t something you “get over”
– it is something you learn to live with.
20/09/2013
P.S : I told myself that it's okay to break down to cry whenever I want until the deadline : 1 blog post.
Not sure if my readers know what it means but for publishing it now, I have faith in myself that I'm starting to cope with it gradually, probably be a little tougher mentally as well. And one thing for sure, doing so doesn't mean that I have forgotten him in any ways. I promise, to live well :)
